Forever changed

Now he wants to work it out. Now that he knows I have had too much and he has pushed me too far. He wants me back. He still talks to her daily.
But I will make it, I have great boys, and a great job. The best of friends and a rocking education program going on.

I will make it because I have to make it. I have to prove to him that he doesn't deserve me and that I deserve the world.

I'm just sick.

Maybe I am just so used to being hurt I'm willing to take it...I mean kick me while I'm down...You've already done it like ten times, what is one more?
He was off today, he asked last night what can I do tomorrow to make you happy? "Take care of the yard, we have a lot of family and friends coming over for E's birthday party."
He says "Okay, no problem, consider it done."


And what did he do...He lied.again.

My yard is not taken care of, and it's mostly his family coming over tomorrow who know nothing. I'm living a lie.

Pregnancy

As mentioned in previous posts my marriage is on rocky ground. I am involved in something I thought I would never have to deal with. I am about to embark on an unwanted journey; one that I didn't have a say in. These decisions were selfishly and disrespectfully made for me. We will call her J, the woman P had relations with. Well she really is pregnant. She swears it is his child; that there is absolutely no possibility of another father. For this I am devastated. I can't believe that this is being forced on me if I choose my marriage. I have to deal with the fact he is a liar, he lied and lied and lied. He disrespected me, and dishonored his family. She is no better, she knew about the boys and I. She said in her own words well if he isn't happy at home he will get it else where.
Well he sure did get it else where; what he didn't count on way the baby. He was irresponsible, he should have not done it. He should have been smarter.
But now he has a baby due March 2012, and I'm at a loss. WE are financially partially responsible for this child that I had no say for the next 18 years if it is his. It was a hurry up and wait. We had to see if she was legit in the pregnancy and now that we know she is we wait 8 more months to do the DNA test, that will hopefully prove it isn't his child.

For now I wait.

Something happened to me I never thought would

I never thought I would see the day when I would say these words..."My husband cheated on me."

In my head I thought I could always count on him for honesty, whatever it was. Good, bad, or ugly...P had always been honest with be, even at times too brutely honest. I thought if he wanted someone else he would tell me, our marriage would dissolve and we would go our seperate ways.

In reality it didn't happen that way. He had been acting a little strange, but I honestly attested it to the fact that his job was stressful and he was just really busy. His boss, often passed the work down to P and I figured it was just job stresses. He fell asleep early, his phone kept going off, innocently I opened it.

Right there in front of my face, my worst fears and nightmares became a reality. HE was a CHEATER, I wanted to cry, scream, and break something all at the same time.

In reality I just confronted him...he cried and said he was sorry. He said it only happened twice, and that it was a mistake, she made him feel special and there was nothing more to come of it. Questions were whirling in my head, was he sorry he did it or sorry I caught him.

My dad cheated on my mom, and I saw her heartbreak, I vowed to never let anyone to do that me. I learned a brutal lesson that night, she didn't let him to it to her any more than I let P do it...They are selfish and inconsiderate. We weren't in there thoughts when they did it.

I am left heart broken, and hurt. I still have to put a good face on for N & E...and figure out what to do with my life.