Pain

It hurts. Every time I really think about what has gone on behind my back. It raises questions, it makes me get this knot in my stomach to where I feel I have to swallow to keep the bile from rising up my throat. It makes me wonder if my whole marriage has been a lie or a sham. I know people make mistakes, but what did I do to deserves these mistakes.
I love my husband...maybe I didn't show it enough, maybe I didn't do his laundry right, or cook the right dinner.
Maybe I didn't make him happy or try hard enough to ask if he was happy. I guess I just got caught up in this busy crazy life and didn't see everything very clear.
Maybe the warning signs were right in front of my face, or maybe he was so slick and I didn't notice.
It's just not fair. It makes me cry and I still have to keep it together for the boys.

I will work it out on the inside because I owe it to myself and if he wants to work it out for us I guess that is a decision he has to make.